"Naive" is a term I believe to mean someone who still thinks the world is just, fair, and cares about you. The truth is, the world has never been fair. It's never been just. Just ask Native Americans. Ask Jews. Ask minorities who grew up in the Civil Rights era.
At some point, we all lose our naivety. We all come to understand, we are not special and there is no justice which exists. Our institutions, our laws, they are simply illusions of justice. Individuals care about us, but the world certainly does not. When we finally understand that, and eventually we all do, that's when we grow up.
Whether it's through abuse, a debilitating illness, or life throwing so much at you that you break, we all lose our naivety. And it's often a very jarring experience when it happens. A lot of us get caught, and never leave this second stage of growing up. Being crushed by the weight of suffering.
When you become aware the world is not sunshine and kittens, you also simultaneously become aware of your suffering. It crashes down, and destroys many people at this stage. Especially young people who are aware of their suffering, but are not equipped with the tools and wisdom to handle it. It's so easy to spiral deeper and deeper into this pit of suffering, entrenching both your victimhood, and your hopelessness into your mind. This is the place where darkness lives. This is the place where despair and depression live. This is the place where hopelessness grabs you and does not let go.
Learning that life is suffering is a difficult, unpleasant lesson. Many people get stuck here. They put all of their effort into trying to minimize their suffering. Drinking, drugs, junk food, overeating, binge watching Netflix, living for the weekend, distracting themselves with constant social activities. They do any and everything they can to try to minimize suffering. They try to pursue better jobs, better relationships, better homes, better hobbies, always being unsettled that they cannot shake off the suffering.
But there's a better way. Choose a different kind of suffering. A better kind. The kind that will ultimately lead to a happy, fulfilled life.
The natural question is "why would I willingly subject myself to more suffering?" And the answer is, to reduce your suffering. The problem is we cannot always see the benefit of our good choices, and we cannot always see the consequences of our bad ones. I have lived long to enough to finally realize that everything in life comes with a cost and a reward. Every action we pursue, every decision we make comes with a cost and it comes with a reward. Eating a donut has a reward of a burst of dopamine, but a cost of calories (and most likely guilt). Running comes with a cost of pain of running, but a reward of physical fitness.
Here is an important concept to understand. Everything good in life, has the cost first and the reward second. Everything bad in life has the reward first, and the cost second.
Reward First, Cost Second
- Credit cards-Goods and services first, paying a higher price later.
- Alcohol-A good time and dopamine first, hangovers, calories, stress and blood pressure spikes later.
- Junk food-Dopamine rush first, calories and rotten teeth later.
- Affairs-The thrill of sexual promiscuity up front, the pain of a divorce later.
- Drugs-Dopamine rush now, destroyed body later.
Costs First, Rewards Second
- Exercise - Pain and discomfort up front, physical and mental health later
- Cleaning your room - Sacrifice of time up front, enjoyment of a clean space later
- Financial discipline - Being responsible and making sacrifices up front, financial freedom later
- Eating well - Less appetizing foods up front, emotional, physical, mental wellness later
